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Advice from Dr. Stanwix – Not Laughing Anymore

Advice from Dr. Stanwix – Not Laughing Anymore
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Dear Dr. Stanwix,

I am writing to you about my husband. He is driving me crazy. He is a comedian and an actor. I will not give you his name; suffice it to say, he is quite famous.

I am a sucker for funny people. When I met him, he kept me laughing all the time. It seemed that the laughs would never cease, but I’m not laughing anymore.

Now he is starting to make me think twice about why I married him. He is constantly on output mode. He never truly listens to me. It seems that he has to continually impress me with his clever wit and doesn’t ever seem to be himself, even when we are alone together.  What I mistook for confidence is really deep-seated insecurity.

I have attempted to discuss this problem with him, but he is too wrapped up in himself to understand where I’m coming from.

Should I bother to try any further or should I simply leave him?

Sincerely,

Not Laughing Anymore

 

Dear Not Laughing Anymore,

I am honored that you would write me and our humble online magazine about your famous husband.

Famous or not, though, being married to an actor or actress is never easy. We are never sure who we fell in love with when actors are seldom consistent with their personas. They go through so many transformations because they play so many different roles. They often lose themselves in all of that role-play and also the fame that is associated with their professions.

Many actors have what Jung would refer to as their public face, a chameleon-like visage that changes according to the situation. While they come off as confident or witty, they often have difficulty revealing their true selves and all of the insecurities that lie underneath. This makes it especially difficult for them to maintain an open and sincere relationship with others.

Actors and other artists also have tremendous egos. They are often absorbed in themselves and don’t always think about those who are closest to them. Those who are married to celebrities often have to play second fiddle. Many stars don’t want to share the spotlight, and our interactions with others are sidelined by all of the attention they get.

While many people in our society dream of getting involved with a famous person, they should seriously think twice before doing so. It may be exciting at first, but it is rare that these relationships have any stability or longevity.

As actors and comedians tend to be extremely good at rationalizing and slipping out of situations with their silver tongues, my advice is to write him a letter about how you feel. Give it to him when he has some downtime and is able to fully digest your thoughts and feelings. Ask him to write you back. If he takes the time to write a sincere and thoughtful response that addresses your grievances and he promises to work through these with you, then give him another shot. If he makes half-hearted promises to try to work through these issues, then you have but one alternative: dump him!

Making these decisions is never easy. However, you must look at your situation realistically. If you don’t see any possibility of his changing his ways, then it’s only going to get worse for you. You had probably better end things now before your frustration turns to anger and the split spirals into something ugly.

Best of Luck,

Dr. Michael Stanwix

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