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Advice from Dr. Stanwix: Spring is in the Air

Advice from Dr. Stanwix: Spring is in the Air
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Dear Dr. Stanwix,

Spring is here and every year I go through the same deranged process as the last. I am a faithful husband who tries to keep his eye from wandering. However, during this time of year, my sexual desires go into overdrive and I feel like a hormonally imbalanced high school kid.

I assumed that, because I am 50, things would go easier this spring than they have in the past. However, I find that I am just as, or even more, tempted than in previous years. I simply can’t help myself. There are just too many beautiful and tempting women out there.

Sometimes it gets so strong that I wish I could simply obtain a “Get-Out-Of-Marriage-Free” card every time I pass through this season.  However, my wife would never accept marital amnesty, no matter how brief.

Is this something biological that simply can’t be helped? Do you have any suggestions about how to stay faithful to my wife, when there are so many young beautiful women walking around with very few clothes on? Please help, I don’t want to ruin my wonderful marriage.



Dear Springle,

Spring is indeed a difficult time for many married couples. There are some elements of our biology that we are not able to avoid. The increase in temperatures and sunlight, the fact that the sex you are attracted to is no longer covered from head to toe in winter garments, the biological cycle of seed-sowing, etc. All of this can have a profound influence on our sex-drive during this season.

What we need to understand is that there will always be temptations, no matter who we are married to or what time of year. I have received letters and counseled people who have extremely good-looking partners. However, they are still tempted by others. It isn’t always about wanting someone younger or prettier. It has to do with our biological imperative to procreate and propagate our species. This simply becomes more evident in the spring.

One of the best things you can do to overcome this problem is to come clean to your wife. You may not want to think about this, but she may very well be having the same problems herself (more on that later). If your wife is not understanding about your problem, then you have to make it clear to her the way you did in your letter to me. It’s important that couples share their feelings, even though they aren’t pleasant to listen to. Once you have discussed the situation, then you can make it clear to one another what your best course of action should be. You can discuss ways to improve your sex-life, what things turn you on, etc. By reaffirming these, you can jumpstart your intimacy in new and interesting ways that might help you through these difficult periods.

If your wife is suffering from the same seasonal affliction, perhaps you could take an unorthodox approach. Give one another the marital amnesty that you crave. This is the perfect way to test your feelings for one another. However, be prepared for the consequences of this approach. If you can’t handle your wife engaging in the same acts as you, then you need to rethink whether an affair is the way to go. There is also the risk of doing permanent damage to your relationship. It may not be for everyone, but, by indulging our desires, this is a great way for us to realize that the grass isn’t always greener.

If you can’t share your problem with your spouse, then you can always strike out on your own. I have encountered several people involved in relationships who indulged their desires in secret. After having done so, they felt extremely guilty and renewed their devotion to their spouses. By tasting the forbidden fruit, many of us realize how much we love our spouses. Whether we decide to disclose this act is up to the individual. If you find that it has strengthened your feelings for your spouse and you don’t want to jeopardize your relationship, it is probably better to keep quiet.

Monogamous relationships are a tremendous challenge. They often run contrary to our biological make-up. This is no more apparent than during spring. Our rational beings compete with our physical instincts. It’s best not to judge others or feel guilty if these desires become overwhelming. The best thing we can do as couples is to realize that this is a natural part of being human and discuss it openly.

Best of luck,

Dr. Michael Stanwix







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