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Are You Still Dating Like You’re 20?

Are You Still Dating Like You’re 20?, Dating in middle age, dating over 50
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BY LISA COPELAND

Dating can be pretty hard for a single woman over 50.  Part of this comes from the fact few of us actually dated when we were younger. We were fortunate to be in an environment like high school or college that was filled with men who were single and young like us.

We hung out and then ended up marrying because we were in love and wanted to be together.

Thirty years later, so many marriages of our generation are falling apart.  As we divorce, no one hands us the latest “Rulebook for Dating”.  We end up heading out into the dating world using the limited and often outdated tools and skills we used in our 20s.

However, those old rules don’t work in over-50s dating. So dating becomes extremely painful, frustrating and disappointing for both men and women of the baby boomer generation and older.  It’s time to come into the 21st century by looking at what could be going wrong in your mature dating life, along with how to make dating easier and fun for you.

If you’re like most women, you look for the most handsome man online because that’s who you looked for when you were younger.  This is an ingrained part of your DNA from the caveman days.  Women had to find a man who would keep them safe and help them bear beautiful and healthy children.

This criteria, although nice, no longer applies at this age.  We no longer need to find this type of mate to have children with. Yet that’s exactly who we still want.  And good looks often become the main quality you look for when making decisions about the man you want.

I will tell you there are lots of good men out there who aren’t so cute but will make fantastic lovers, boyfriends, committed partners, or husbands if you give them a chance.

And the best part is … they want you, too!

You share a history with them that younger women don’t. Believe it or not, they see you as beautiful. Shocking, isn’t it?  Because when we look in the mirror … all we see is a face with wrinkles and a body that has gone through childbirth and now menopause and sags where it shouldn’t.

We compare ourselves to what we looked like at 20, versus accepting where we are now.  This is always a set up for feeling bad about yourself.

As a 50-plus year old woman, you have a lot of wisdom along with an inner and outer beauty to offer a man …. something a wrinkle-free 20-year-old can’t even begin to compete with. You have richness and depth and a beauty that comes from being 50 when you can accept yourself right where you are today.

A great practice is to make a list of all the qualities you love about you. Then every morning while putting on makeup, read this list out loud to yourself in the mirror. This will help you begin to appreciate how wonderful you really are.

One thing we did do right in our teens and 20s is that we hung out with men to see if we liked them. Today we go on coffee dates and interrogate men, extracting their life resume in the first half-hour.  Most of the time before we’re done with our coffee we’ve made a decision as to whether this man sitting across from us could be our next husband.

I’ve had women tell me they know in the first 5 minutes if he’s the one.  There is no way you can tell anything in 5 minutes or even on a first date. Everyone is a bit nervous and not themselves.

Instead of going on a date to mate, consider going on a date just for the fun of meeting a new and interesting person.  As a member of the 50-plus generation, you’re no longer bound by traditional roles for marrying.

You can have all types of relationships with men, whether as friend, lover, boyfriend, committed partner or husband.  You really do have a choice at this age that you didn’t have back in the day.

Dating really can be fun when you have the right tools and skills. On your next date, keep these tips in mind and try to enjoy getting to know someone new.

Lisa Copeland is a coach, speaker and author of the new book, The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50: 7 Steps To Attracting Quality Men. She is a blogger for the Huffington Post and has been published in newspapers across the country. Visit www.FindAQualityMan.com for more information.

 

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