The Beginning and The End

November 25, 2011

BY MARY JANE HORTON

She was 13, I was 53. She was irritable. I was grumpy forgetful, hot, and bloated. She was getting her period, and I was getting rid of mine. Neither of us was really happy about it that year that I went through menopause and my daughter started menstruating. I felt sad that my childbearing years were over. And, let’s face it, all of life’s next steps are fraught with the fear of marching on, with the fact that one day this life will come to an end. My daughter – even though she wasn’t able to talk about it – was afraid to become an adult, a woman with all the womanly responsibilities having her period bestowed on her.

We were civil to each other but kept our distance. We both knew all too well what was going on. The comforting news is: We weren’t alone. More and more women and teenagers will be having the same experience. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the average age that a girl starts to menstruate is 13. And according the National Institutes of Health, the average age of a last period is 51. (I was a bit late).  So, now with more and more women having children in their late 30s and early 40s – according to the March of Dimes one in five women today has her first baby after the age of 35 – we, as a culture, should be learning about how to handle these overlapping rites of passage.

I did what all self-respecting, jewelry-loving women should do all around the country:  I bought her a diamond necklace—a very understated diamond necklace that she would hopefully wear proudly. But knowing my daughter, who isn’t terribly into jewelry, I predicted that we would probably share it. We went out to lunch; I gave her the necklace. She got embarrassed. We bonded. And then at some point her movement into womanhood and mine to my next step in life were over. The necklace is tucked away in my drawer. My daughter wore it for her high school graduation, and to the prom, but she didn’t want to take it to college. Too precious. Sometimes I take it out, look at it and remember.

Mary Jane Horton has been a writer/editor for 30 years. She has written
 for such magazines as Runner’s World, Fodor’s Guides, Time, Ms., Shape, Prevention, Living Fit, Woman’s Day special interest publications, to name a few, and worked as an editor for Fit Pregnancy magazine. Most recently she was editor-in-chief of Plum magazine, a health and lifestyle magazine for women over 35.