The Grandparent Clock
October 28, 2011
BY MARY JANE HORTON
I want grandchildren. Plain and simple. Yet, considering that my kids are only 22 and 19 years old, I don’t want grandchildren. Do I sound confused? Yes. Am I alone in this? No. With more and more women (and men) having children when they are older, the biological clock, and yearning to be a grandparent is ringing its alarm all over the country. We know, intellectually, that we have to wait, but we don’t want to.
Let’s face it, being a grandparent is a big payoff, especially for those of us in the “helicopter parent” generation. We did everything for our kids. Watched them, educated them, planned play dates and afterschool classes. Now we just want to be able to play with a baby and give her back. We want the cuddles and coos without the responsibility. Who can blame us?
So, herewith, some ideas about how to get your grandchild “fix” before you actually get your own grandchild.
Babysit. Perhaps you live in a neighborhood with lots of kids. What parent would not want to take up an offer of free babysitting from the nice women – or couple – down the street. With the child in such close proximity, you may even ingratiate yourself into his life and be invited to birthday party, recitals, etc.
Volunteer. Most hospitals have a children’s ward where you can read to kids and visit often. It isn’t quite the same as having someone in your neighborhood, because when the child leaves hospital, you probably won’t be able to maintain contact, but it still works for the short term. Many pre-schools also need an extra set of hands and laps and often take volunteers. You will likely have to have a background check and perhaps be fingerprinted.
Become a CASA. Court appointed special advocates are volunteers who work within the foster care system to help one child at a time. They talk to their doctors and care givers, teachers, parents and therapists to make sure that the children’s lives are going as well as possible even though they have been taken out of their homes of origin – usually because of abuse or neglect. For more information on how to volunteer, click here.
Offer a skill. While the children may be older, you can offer a local class on a special talent you have for no – or little – payment. Can you knit, crochet, make great pumpkins, or write? Get a class going.
Be outrageous. A friend of mine actually went up to a parent and child in a store and offered to be a surrogate grandparent. It worked for him because it turned out that the grandparents of the child lived far away, and the parent was overworked and thankful. It may work for you, too, but if you decide to take that route, do it gingerly ….
Ask to be invited. You probably have friends who have older children and grandkids. Just be honest and ask to be invited when their kids come with grandkids. They will understand, and you can help out by doing some cooking and cleaning during the get together. Who knows, you might be asked back often.
Mary Jane Horton has been a writer/editor for 30 years. She has written for such magazines as Runner’s World, Fodor’s Guides, Time, Ms., Shape, Prevention, Living Fit, Woman’s Day special interest publications, to name a few, and worked as an editor for Fit Pregnancy magazine. Most recently she was editor in chief of Plum magazine, a health and lifestyle magazine for women over 35.