LGBT LIFESTYLE Relationships  >  Lucky in Lust

Lucky in Lust

Lucky in Lust
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by Stephanie Schroeder

“You are so lucky to have found love later in life,” a friend barely into her 30s told me when I decided to be in a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend five years ago. We were both in our late 40s, and while my friend’s comment was well intentioned, we all know the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

My girlfriend and I are 50 and 51, respectively. We both celebrated our birthdays this month, September. And we remain as excited about sex as we were when we first met, or even when we were, like my younger friend, in our 30s.

Age, it seems, has only increased our libido, but our extremely full and busy individual lives is what has hampered the frequency of sex. Scheduling sex has become the norm, and, with a nod to Dr. Joyce Brothers (remember her?) who was one of the first female media psychologists with clout, we could not be happier to both schedule sex and live fully evolved lives separate and apart from each other even though we live and work together. My gal and I like to “get busy” in a sexual manner as often as possible, and when we do, sexual fervor rages.

A recent study concluded that lesbians orgasm more than either bisexual women or heterosexual women. This news made a big splash in the mainstream media, where lesbians are, again, mostly invisible, or put on display for men’s fantasies, like the “news” about the first openly “gay” beauty pageant winner, as though lesbians cannot be “beauty pageant attractive” or otherwise similar in looks and sexual outlook as straight and bisexual women. Appearances are definitely deceiving in this society overly obsessed with stereotypes.

Many of our middle-aged lesbian friends are dating again, just like a lot of middle-aged folks, but as a community and as individuals, lesbians become (more) invisible as we age. A friend of mine in her 70s, a pioneer in the U.S. lesbian-feminist movement and a purveyor of lesbian sex writing when it was not fashionable, told me that when she and her lover, who is in her 60s, go out to dinner, people tend to think they are two generic grannies, rather than two vibrant activist and active lesbians.

There also is a large BDSM and leather sub-community within the lesbian community. And, at least here in New York City, public sex parties, thriving dungeons, casual sex, anonymous online hook-ups, polyandrous relationships, and other “lifestyle” choices people in every category make, are alive and kicking among lesbians, too.

Yes, Lesbian Bed Death (LBD) is legendary, but the real news is that while some lesbians don’t like sex or don’t have it, just like humans of all stripes, others of us have been and remain very active sexually. And all lesbians are not, as most media will tell you, boring neuters who look like Velma from Scooby-Doo wearing sensible shoes and librarian eyeglasses (which both my girlfriend and I do!) who are also dedicated homebodies spending all their “together time” siting on the couch holding hands over their 2.5 rescued cats.

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