Dump The Chump

January 21, 2010

Ladies, still wondering what you can give up or take on for a New Year’s resolution?  If you are looking for something that goes beyond the privation of snacking between meals, smoking or other typical self denials, why not consider this: Dump the Chump!

As I look around at the couples I see on the street, in bars and restaurants, at parties, etc., I can’t help but ask myself; why on Earth do so many women date and/or marry total chumps?  Aren’t there any nice guys out there deserving of your love?  While there undoubtedly are, unfortunately, many women are too busy maintaining relationships with knuckleheads to even give nice guys a chance to prove themselves.  As I look around me and I see beautiful and intelligent women with morons at their side, I try to convince myself that these men are just friends or some mentally deficient brother that they have to take care of.  However, then I see them kissing or holding hands with these guys and my hopes are shattered.

While these men all share something in common (they are all not right for you), they do vary in the reasons why you shouldn’t be dating them.  Let’s take a look at the assortment of chumps and see what we come up with:

First, there’s the Arrogant Chump:  Good looks, intelligent, overconfident demeanor.  He has everything it takes to make a female feel bad about herself.  As God’s gift to women, he feels it his duty to avoid committing himself to just one woman and many get hurt in the process.   When asked what women look for in a man, women usually respond with this canned gem of a response: Confidence.  Let’s not confuse arrogance with confidence, ladies.  And besides, what’s wrong with a shy guy?  There is something to be said for modesty in a man, something these overconfident blowhards wouldn’t know if it crept up and kicked them where it counts.

Another popular favorite is the Bad Boy Chump: He is every woman’s Rebel without a Cause.  He is also her rebel without manners, mental aptitude and money.  Is the drama of being involved with a bad guy really that much of a turn on?  Don’t his bad boy traits like treating you like crap, making you pay for everything, abusing you verbally and physically erode this charm?  Or are you still trying to get back at your parents for not letting you date that total loser in high school?  I know we all have our fantasies of being a rebel, but it would probably be best if you rebelled against these rebels altogether.

Then there’s the Let Yourself Go to Complete Crap Chump.  This is the partner or husband that lets everything go to pot once he’s landed a nice girl.  Why the hell does he need any more out of life once he’s got that?  Why not sit on the couch mesmerized by the thousands of channels on his 5 by 10 flat screen HD TV?  A man without interests who is unconcerned with personal growth and the healthy growth of his relationship is not someone a woman should want to spend the rest of her life with, unless of course she aspires to nothing more than a partner with common primetime interests.   I realize that we all mentally and physically slow down as we get older.  However, a guy who is more interested in expanding his waistband than his mind is not the kind of person you need to stick with no matter how many years you’ve been with him.

And who could forget the Jealous Chump? This gem of a man seems to enjoy making his partner’s life a living hell because he can’t stand to see her interacting with any other of the close to three billion men on this planet.   Quite a realistic expectation to impose on women, wouldn’t you say, ladies?  As men generally work and recreate in all the same places that women do, it is a bit much to expect a woman can avoid them altogether.  Apart from being insecure and insane these guys can also be extremely dangerous.  Yet, rather than kick these guys like a bad habit, you let them kick you around and control you.  I realize that women like to have a man who shows them he cares.  However, verbally or physically threatening someone for talking to the opposite sex is a serious sign of mental problems.  Dump him before you put yourself into any more danger.

And lastly, the Rich and/or Famous Chump: an instant hit with gold diggers.  Another trait that women are looking for in men has more to do with economics than biology, or psychology for that matter.   Women want a man who can take care of them.  Don’t deny it ladies; it happens too often for it to be pure coincidence.  Women overlook age, looks, personality, length and girth when a man with serious means comes into the picture.  These men are just drunk enough on their wealth and fame to delude themselves into thinking that women would actually be interested in them without said wealth or fame.  There is nothing else I can say about this but wake up gentlemen; these women are conning you and are preying on your very deluded ideas about yourself.  And, ladies, shame on you for feigning interest in these men while you are counting the days until the old goat kicks off or grants you a divorce so you can abscond with his millions.

For each and every one of these chumps there is a coinciding rationale that makes dating him acceptable to women.  “Oh, he’s not so bad; he’s better than my last boyfriend.”  “He told me he is going to change.”  “I’ve been with him too long; it would be too much of a hassle to break things off now.” “I kind of like the fact that he is so jealous; it lets me know that he really cares.”  B.S., B.S. and more B.S.  The fact of the matter is just like smoking or biting your nails, these morons have become bad habits.

There are also underlying psychological motivations for getting involved with these men.  Some women just feel they don’t deserve any better.  Some may even feel they need to punish themselves. (Perhaps for dissing a nice guy years ago and going out with one of these chumps.) Other women have been going out with guys like this for so long that they don’t know that there is anything better out there. Still others are afraid of commitment and thus date chumps to avoid getting into a serious relationship.

Whatever the reason, face it, ladies, you are wasting your time with these lesser halves.  When I say that you are dating or marrying beneath you, I am not talking about men who are esthetically inferior to you.  I am talking about men who are just not nice people.  Their ugliness is in their heart not in their looks.

Please keep in mind that I am in no way saying that men are not just as capable of picking the wrong partners for the wrong reasons.  However, I am writing to you from the Man-Cave and I just may have some male bias when looking at this issue.  It just seems that rather than wanting a fulfilling relationship with a nice guy some women tend to get involved with men who are undeserving of them simply because they want to be in a relationship.  You ladies can certainly write a rebuttal to this article but let it come from your own female sanctuaries.  The important thing to realize here is that whether you are male or female, straight or gay, there is no reason to settle for someone simply because you’re lonely and want someone to share your life with.

So, if you are still deciding on that New Year’s resolution, why not dump the chump and go out and make some nice guy happy.  It may take a while to sift through all the chumps out there to find that diamond in the rough; but, if you find him, you may also find that a down to earth, nice guy beats any romantic delusions we have about the ideal partner.  He may actually treat you like a person rather than a possession and will be modest enough to treat you as his equal.   Hell, it’s worth a try.  If it doesn’t work out, just like anything else we give up we can always fall off the nice guy wagon and go back to our bad habits.