The Man Cave
October 26, 2009
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the first of a series of scribblings and hieroglyphics from the Man-Cave, the veritable doghouse of this website designed to provide you with insight into the biologically driven and less than complicated world of the male genus.
Before going into any of the issues that this section will be dealing with, I think it is important to analyze this recently named yet relatively old phenomenon.So, for the uninitiated, let me try to give you a brief explanation of the Man-Cave.
While some may think that this place functions as a dungeon where the male cowers from the proverbial frying pan or rolling pin brandished menacingly by his better half, this tacky redoubt, is actually a male sanctuary. In my research I discovered that there are even websites such as mancave.com, among many others, dedicated to this ancient male art which may even date back to our days as true cave dwellers. Perhaps back then, troglodyte males gathered in a remote corner of their cave households to screech, grunt and throw stones at each other, popular past times among males of the species in the Stone Age (Hey, what the hell else are you going to do without ESPN and a 300 inch television?).
I myself had visited a variety of Man-Caves during my lifetime but was not familiar with the term until watching the movie “I Love You, Man”. However, after visiting a variety of websites dedicated to this concept and seeing a variety of photos of Man-Caves throughout the world, I think the title should be “I Love You, Man-Cave”.
The Man-Caves I had visited in the past were nothing compared to what I saw on the websites I perused. Let me just give you an idea of the variety of esthetics that I encountered. There were Man-Caves replete with sports and rock and roll posters, grizzly trophies of hunting such as animal antlers and other rigid victims of the taxidermist; beer signs; naked women (for men with understanding wives); Nascar models; sports action figures, for men who haven’t outgrown playing with dolls; fancy beer bottle collections that would rival any fraternity brothers’ bedroom and trophies of past sports successes before winning the ultimate trophy for greatest Couch Coach, Post Play Analyst or Speed Remote Channel Changer.
In my research I have encountered anything from a simple sports hangout with large screen T.V. and bar to what could be the diabolical workshop of a serial killer. Men take this sanctuary to a variety of levels and extremes all of which are very telling about the inner workings of their psyches. The meticulous attention to detail and fastidious arrangement of models, sports figures, posters, etc. can be as telling as they are disturbing.
What happens within a Man-Cave varies from cave to cave; however, it is basically a place where men can engage in a variety of intellectually challenging pursuits such as watching sports, jamming rock and roll, cob-jobs in carpentry and other male crafts, listening to music from their adolescence, drinking beer, smoking anything from cigarettes and cigars to bong hits or viewing porn without the threat of masturbatus interruptis.
The size and shape of a Man-Cave also varies widely. It can be anything from a closet large enough for a table and chair to an entire room, basement, garage or even a cabin or summerhouse built in the backyard. It contains a milieu of accoutrements such as a computer, a variety of power tools, a large screen television (preferably high definition), some source of alcohol (ideally a kegorator), game tables such as pool, air hockey, foosball or a dartboard, musical instruments, a fully stocked bar and a variety of other paraphernalia integral to the male world. There is generally a master chair similar to that of Captain Kirk’s with a remote control for just about any purpose to make the male’s life easier. It is a place where the likes of people like Martha Stewart are clearly not welcome. The last outpost of maleness that has not been carefully crafted, doesn’t necessarily match (except for in the case of some seriously anal retentive cave-dwellers) and defies most female imposed ordinances on neatness.
However, there are Macho Martha Stewarts to assist men in the design of their dream caves. There is a program exclusively dedicated to the Man Cave on the DIY Network with a very original title: “Man Caves.” On this program your burly Man-Cave construction team and hosts, Jason Cameron and Tony Siragusa, teach the not so skilled how to construct their own little testosterone-rich sanctuary. Other construction companies and interior decorators are cashing in on the cave concept with some Man-Caves reaching a construction and design budget of up to $250,000.
For city dwellers with limited space and on an extremely limited budget, like yours truly, the Man Cave is but a state of mind as there is not a physical place to retreat to. So I write and will continue to write you from deep within the recesses of the male psyche which is a cave far darker and, for the most part, far less elaborate than the Man-Caves I have witnessed to date. Stay tuned next time when Notes from the Man-Cave tackles its first controversial issue in the male world of mid-life: The Seven Warning Signs of Male Mid-life Crisis and the cliché of Male Menopause.