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Odd Girls Prepare for Valentines Day

Odd Girls Prepare for Valentines Day
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By Doris Anderson

‘Depression’

Depression is anger turned inward. And goodness, you have a lot to be angry about!

If you are an average lesbian, youai??i??re probably gearing up for a deep depression come Valentineai??i??s Day. Youai??i??re probably going to feel bad because you are single on Valentineai??i??s Day, or because youai??i??re in an unsatisfactory relationship.Ai??Really, you just canai??i??t win.

But letai??i??s set our relationship status or lack thereof aside for a moment and talk about what a wagon-full of donkey doo-doo Valentineai??i??s Day is.Ai??Single or not, the pressure is so extreme to participate in this capitalistic holiday that you might experience increased feelings of self-loathing, or worse yet, try to buy some woman (who wonai??i??t give you the time of day) an assorted box of nuts & chews with the last of your food stamps.

Nothing says ai???I Love Youai??? more than finding a discarded box of candy with aloof, slobbery nibbles on each and every piece.

I donai??i??t know about you, but something like that makes me pretty angry!Ai??So angry, itai??i??s hard to get out my pajamas and face the day!

Consequently, this is a call-to-action to my lesbian sisters, single, coupled, or swinging singles and couples: I want you to turn your depression inside out and GIRLCOTT VALENTINEai??i??S DAY.Ai??There are countless ways to do that, and if you are mentally numb from a lifetime of sexual discrimination, I can suggest several things:

  1. If you are half-way responsible and have at least been able to get a part-time job, go to your local pet shelter and adopt a live animal,Ai??ratherAi??than buying a Plush Teddy Bear with a big red heart on itai??i??s chest that was assembled by oppressed women and children over-seas.
  2. If you are lucky enough to have access to a sexual partner, cut to the chase and bang the living daylights out of each other rather than spending an excess of money and feeding corporate greed with a ceremonial romantic dinner at the Outback Steakhouse.Ai??(Although the Awesome Blossom is an excellent fried-food choice for emotional eating!)
  3. Rather than spend money giving yourself flowers, spend the day in rigorous self-examination: Why are you only attracted to unavailable women?Ai??Why do you fall in love with every straight female roommate you have?Ai??Why do you care so much about marriage equality when you canai??i??t even get a date?

Sisters, I ask you, if those arenai??i??t the spunkiest ways to turn depression around, what is?

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